5 Tips for Reviving the Heart of a Loveless Relationship
Love is not what you think it is..
Love is not:
romantic dinners
flirting
kissing or hugging
love notes / texts
public displays adoration or affection
chocolates and flowers
lingerie or intimacy
love is not a Hallmark card
These experiences arise from the emotions triggered by the force of love.
Love is an energy. It’s a presence, a point of attraction which means to bring to the surface, according to the original meaning dating back to the 1400’s.
What is energy? Again, online sources define energy as ‘a degree or level of energy possessed by something or required by a process’ and in the mid-16th century the word was used to ‘denote force or vigor of expression’
Therefore, if love is an energy, so is fear. When you’re frightened of something happening or person and what they might do, although you may not openly admit it, you experience feelings of doubt, agitation, unrest, distress and so on.
Just like love, fear is a force in the opposite direction (in the context of energy). And the emotions that spring from this fear affect your presence which becomes an alternate point of attraction.
In the exact same way black and white cannot exist in the same space, neither can love and fear. Without question, you may experience those gray days, weeks or even months in your relationship which leave you wondering why as well as experiencing a wandering eye. Although there are countless explanations for why the love fizzled in your relationship, the root of the issue is interpretations and beliefs from both sides.
I’ve been in several relationships throughout my life. And there was a time when I chalked it up to me being the problem. Let’s face it, I was the common denominator. Yet after a while, I began to question this theory as I reflected on what happened. Was I kidding myself when I declared lovie? Did I even know what love was?
I knew what I felt yet the older I got, and the more gurus I discovered, I started to believe I was a lost soul. I invested my beliefs in their words over how I felt: ‘Clearly with X number of failed relationships behind me, these people were truly the experts.’
Hmmmm … honestly, what made them the expert in my life? Or for that matter what made them the expert in love?
Did anybody really know what love was? As I began to unravel the knots of love in my brain, I began to notice a lot of fascinating theories. Love is an emotion. Love is action, affection, fondness, and warmth. How about this one … love is weakness. While weakness can mean inclination, appetite, preference, or enthusiasm, the tendency is to hear weakness as a flaw, making love flawed.
This is the trap that severs the loving connection between two people. The cultural understanding of love actually triggers fear. How many times have you heard love is blind? Or you can lose your identify in a relationship? Our culture speaks fear into relationships even before they manifest! So, you enter into a marriage or partnership with these beliefs in the back of your mind. Clear about loving one another while feeling trepidation over what may come; hence, the gray areas.
It’s all energy that started long before you were born.
What about the belief, you can’t love someone until you love yourself? I’ve heard this one A LOT!
Of course, this brought many things to mind beginning and ending with the doubt I could ever love anyone. But what about those feelings? The clear attraction I felt. Was I making this up? Did I not know myself?
You see, questioning yourself like this comes from fear. It’s the doubt, anxiety, distress and more that hold you hostage and connect you to the fate you don’t want. Is there any wonder why loveless relationships see higher rates of illness?
But loveless does not mean it’s lost or irretrievable. It simply means the force that brought you together has been disconnected. What happens when you lose the connection for phone or computer? You do what it takes to regain that connection. Sometimes it’s a reboot other times it’s remembering to plug back into the energy source.
If you’re here, you know I am ALL about essential oils as a phenomenal source of wellbeing. If you’re not familiar with me, then feel free to check out my bio. However, those aren’t my only tips and no, I am not going to suggest essential oils for boosting your libido.
Your sex drive is based on connection, therefore, harmonizing your body .. the entire system .. promises long lasting desire and passion for reviving the connection that lit you up about life from day one!
Love sources your wellbeing!
Tips for Reviving the Heart of Your Relationship (this includes the one with you)
self-care ~ oh my gosh .. self-care is CRITICAL! What are somethings you do to care for your mind, body and spirit? Take time out of your day, every day, to honor yourself. Meditation, prayer, massage, walks outdoors, baths, reading, and / or journaling to name a few. My good friend Lynnis Woods has a terrific self-care calendar with even more ideas. You may be thinking that to revive a relationship other than the one with you means you have to give. There is truth in this; however, serving yourself in meaningful ways opens you up to being present and connected to the needs of the other. Not to mention, you’re also demonstrating the value to taking care of yourself.
remembering the times when there was nothing blocking your connection. The example of have for this is whenever I felt the distress, doubt and so forth, I remembered the feeling in my gut when I first looked into his eyes. I used that moment to help me refresh that connection.
practice understanding without the need of an explanation. This is a tough one because we’re conditioned to ask people ‘why’ or ‘what was that about’ .. and, and, and! Resist the temptation to demand a justification even if you suspect cheating. I know .. easier said than done and as we’re reminded, you can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar. Yet, seeing them through the eyes of compassion and understanding .. ‘hey this is another human with his or her own struggles. how can I be there for them in this moment?’ Again, it gets complicated when infidelity is a possibility, yet, keep in mind, all of this negativity started before you were born and was passed on to you. This is the cultural dis-ease that leads to loveless relationships at home., at work and in our communities. Practicing understanding without the need of an explanation takes courage, for one, and time to allow things to fester and heal. This is what’s known as the healing crisis. If you felt ove before, you can feel it again. You just have to do the work which begins with the next tip …
check in with your commitments. Are you more committed to your story, interpretations, and blame? If so, go no further. Again, this comes down to your relationship with yourself. However, I will ask you one question if this is the case. How’s that working for you? If you’re willing to break free from these distressing beliefs, then you are plugging back into the source of love! Congratulations!
use essential oils specific to your body’s needs. Your body is a unique expression of nature which means, no two bodies react to the stressors of life in the same way. Pairing them with your system not only improves mood and emotional stability, but it also helps with harmonizing the hormonal system and assisting your body with deactivating the stress response which is a recognized inflammatory system with perceived threats. The emotions that build register as perceived threats. When I mention hormonal system several essential oils you want to avoid include clary sage, lavender, geranium, tea tree, fennel, tarragon, anise, and so on just to name a few. If there are additional concerns i.e. migraines, anxiety, digestive disorders, depression, autoimmune, cancer, restless sleep / leg, as well as medications, your choices become even more personalized because your body is not like your co-workers or sisters even though you have similar concerns. Essential oils are natural chemicals heavily studied for drug development and understanding human physiology. Email me with general questions. I cannot provide specific feed back without a full assessment consult. Plus, no two bodies respond to essential oils in the same way. Guidance offers safety and results.
The more you take care of you, the healthier you and your relationship become!
Be the change you wish to see!
I trust you find this post compelling enough to comment or contact me. If you are interested in deepening your understanding of essential oils and how to effectively and safely integrate them, join the Aromatherapy Beyond Bed and Bath Membership where the learning and personal development never ends!