Telling ourselves or someone else that ‘we’ lack confidence is no different than uttering the words, ‘I can’t’. Both statements are false. What if you did have the confidence or did accomplished something? Who would you have to be to live into what you already are .. powerful?

Another day on Clubhouse took me into several rooms and oddly, each one was talking about confidence. At first, I didn’t think I had anything to insert into the conversation until I put a pause on that belief and realized that nobody else in that room shared my perspective. Why?

Well to begin with, I was the new kid in the club, and didn’t know anyone in the room. And secondly, my life experiences are mine to explore, reflect upon and grow from. As soon as I accepted the fact that I, in fact had something to offer, I raised my hand to speak.

As I waited for my name to be called, I also listened to the suggested strategies on how to build confidence while considering the points I could make. Unfortunately, the room ended before I had a chance to introduce my thoughts and practices, which was absolutely ok!

Not because I avoided discovering my provided no value .. as if you haven’t had a similar conversation with yourself. On the contrary, I gained even more clarity around how I can assist people with awakening their confidence with my insights and resources (which is something I’ve NEVER considered until today). Not to mention, I found myself exposed to very helpful views on the exact same topic. The SAME topic!!

People like you and me are seeking to understand how to gain confidence…

So, I left Clubhouse and jumped onto YouTube and searched for videos over there that talked about boosting confidence. Let’s just say, they did not disappoint. There is quite a collection, many of which are on Ted Talks. Yet, for the sake of originality, I didn’t watch any .. well, there was one that I gave about 5 minutes to. As I listened to the speaker’s introduction and story that changed her life … the final component of my guidance came to mind.

Many people encourage us to get to the root of our confidence issues; identifying the source of our limiting beliefs. Others point out fearing failure .. or just fear in general. Yet there was something to all of these that did and do not ring true for me.

Which takes me back to the opening sentence in this post.

To believe we lack confidence is us being lying to ourselves.

If we’re about to enter a job interview or give a speech, we don’t have time to excavate limiting beliefs we developed in childhood. Let’s just stand up and admit they exist. What good does it really do to seek out the who or the when or the why. The bottom line is this …

dis-honesty is a way of life in modern day society…

Whoa … I know and there’s a good point to that claim so stick with me on this!

I could jump WAY back to the time of our ancestors and don’t see the need .. for now. The fact is when we were young children, and for the most part we’re still doing this today with ourselves and others, including our kids, we relate to and address the behavior / actions. Rather than saying things like, “you’re acting as if you can’t accomplish this'“ we say or hear, “it doesn’t seem like you’re capable”.

I’ll give you another example. Either someone is acting like an asshole or being an asshole. When we ‘act like something’, there’s room for change. If we hear we’re being a certain way, without realizing it, the person saying this is judging our very nature. Culturally, assholes aren’t viewed as a good person, so now, we interpret this to mean there is something fundamentally wrong with us. If it happens once, as an adult, we typically hold it together. However, this sort of monologue begins in the life shaping years of early childhood which endlessly undermines a person’s ability to show up and be the expression of life that they are ..

The essence of who we are is not that of an asshole .. that’s something we learn along that way.

THIS is why I say society is dis-honest .. take a look at the following …

When we’re honest, we regard something or someone with honor … this includes ourselves. Then again, when we’re dis-honest we’re dis-regarding our unique nature.

Just because someone doesn’t agree with or like what we do, doesn’t give them the right to us out to be less than the beautiful being we are or think less of ourselves. Granted, society doesn’t consider such things, nor are ‘we’ cognizant of how such statements register in our energy body. We just let things fly out of our brains and mouths with very little regard for how it will affect a person.

Please understand, I am fully aware that I’m making a broad statement with this and accept the fact that there are plenty of people on this planet with the willingness and ability to speak and interact with the intention of uplifting and upholding themselves and other.

However, with the number of people hiring confidence coaches and attending masterclasses and workshops on confidence, I’m convinced the number of people living dis-honestly is higher than we realize.

Therefore, to suggest we lack confidence is just us relating to previous behaviors. And because there’s evidence to prove we didn’t achieve our goals then, sets us up to be afraid now. It’s a natural reaction and aligns with everything these other speakers we’re addressing while doing my research. Therefore to believe the claim ‘I lack confidence’ is untrue.

truth is love

untruths arise from fear

If you’re really feeling afraid of repeating history, then the bold declaration would be “I don’t trust myself to pull this off.” Now you’re being honest and with this degree of transparency, you are in the position to ask: ‘what would love do?”

As long as we’re alive, we have the ability to do anything we put our minds to. How well things turn out is a reflection of our efforts. If it’s a so-so sort of experience, then we have choices; either 1) try again but don’t change a thing or 2) identify the areas that we determine could use some tweaking and choose a bigger path.

Trusting yourself builds confidence and we open up to how little we trust ourselves, we’re now shining a light on the fear and the only thing that can happen from there is you’ll grow stronger.

BUT don’t think you’re going to land something with aces right away (although some people do). And whatever you do, don’t compare yourself to anyone else. This is your rodeo and the only competition is with yourself.

Even sports teams study their opponents to learn their weaknesses … SO, if you confidently fail at something, there is something to gain and either go at it again with even more zeal or don’t. But before you quit ask yourself the following:

1) what are the costs to quitting?

2) what are the benefits to quitting

Be honest …

Speaking of which .. here is a nutshell view of what to do when confidence escapes you:

• be honest ~ in this case, write down ONLY the facts (no judgments or explanations) just bullet points about yourself and the situation. Now you have a platform for making changes. (if you want some feedback on this, I have 30 minutes that I’m happy to pay for and help you work through this)

• be respectful ~ a few paragraphs above, I typed the word consider in bold. To be respectful is to regard (there’s that word again) and / or consider. So, as you identify the facts, consider how you showed up, where you slipped up and how you can adjust your actions .. respect is a form of love

• trust in yourself ~ forget about whether or not you can trust someone else. It begins with you. The more you practice the above, the more you will trust yourself to be in the flow and know what needs to change and when

• detach yourself from the outcome ~ let’s get real .. failure is a fact, yet, perceived external failures merely reflect the way we’ve failed ourselves. Look at it this way. Failure is another way of saying we fell short of our goals .. that’s it. With this in mind, we now have the ability (and ability means power) to assess and go again. We suck the life out of our confidence when we attach ourselves to the end result. The fact is .. you being your personal best is the end result and that takes practice.

• avoid comparison at all costs! If this happens to e super hard for you, then spend some quiet time to identify the costs and benefits of comparison

• and finally, in those moments when action is called for and there is no real time for mental pondering, try this

  1) pull out your handy essential oil blend of rosemary (ct. cineole), myrrh, clary sage, thyme linalool and apply to the front of your throat, under your nose as well as take a BIG sniff and let it infuse your brain with grounding messages of confidence

  2) remember, as long as you are alive you are ABLE which is your power .. you can do this!

  3) shake off the do or die attitude and allow a win to simply be self-discovery and a deeper relationship with yourself! In other words, focus on having an experience not the end result… my guess is you’ll be amazed with yourself!

Are you ready to go even deeper and have a profound breakthrough in confidence, once and for all? Cool! Jump into my 6 Steps for Awakening Confidence Masterclass (beginning 7/29/21)

Click here and register for this incredible program today 💯